So if you follow me on any of my socials you know that I have been talking a lot about self-confidence and I promised to share my story so here it goes! Also, I know a lot of yall come to the blog to get this black girl magic BUT today is story time! Grab your popcorn and resume reading. 🙂
I grew up the youngest of 11 and although I had a very loving family it was tough when I went outside of my safe space. It really started in second grade– you know when your new adult teeth start to come in. Well, let’s just say my baby teeth weren’t ready to leave me and that caused a lot of crowding and it was NOT pretty. I lived with these teeth all the way to high school…eleventh grade to be exact when I got braces. I also got made fun of for my dark skin tone. I was called things like blacky and midnight and it caused me to begin to hate my skin and I would wish I was lighter and lowkey envy those who were even a shade lighter. I always had friends and people who loved me BUT I dealt with these thoughts every single day. By the time I got to high school, I felt like the ugly duckling of all my friends. It didn’t help that when I found a guy attracted he either liked my sister or one of my friends and I just felt overlooked. That’s no longer the case but those days made me who I am.
I know that back when I was struggling with the opinions of others I did not think once, “I will be so confident because of this!” Never. Now when I reflect I realize that those things made me stronger. How? Well, let’s see I am here right now so that means those things did not break me. That leads me to the first step you MUST take to build your self-confidence — DIVORCE YOURSELF FROM THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS. It is imperative for you to silence the naysayers in your life. That may mean you need to cut some people off or have some difficult conversations as hard as it may be DO IT for YOU.
I believe that my self-confidence journey truly began after my last relationship when I was in college. I dated someone who I made my entire world and I basically revolved around him. There were so many signs that he didn’t love me for who I was then and I ignored ALL OF THEM. He once told me that he wished he could have my heart and personality and someone else’s body (his ex gf to be exact) and to think I let that go. Needless to say, that relationship taught me a lot. I don’t hate him for what he said but it was something that I never forgot. Now I KNOW that I know that I know that I am beautiful both inside and out and anyone who does not want all of me the way I am does not deserve me. I still love him though for all the lessons I learned while with him.
After that relationship, I decided to just focus on MYSELF. At the end of 2013 I decided that I wanted to transition my hair back to its natural state. In April 2o14 I decided transitioning was NOT working for me so I did a BIG CHOP. April 9, 2014, my life changed for the better. That was the beginning of truly accepting and loving myself, every single part of me. I can’t explain it but I know that it was like an overnight miracle. I felt more confident instantly. I think it was because I cut ties with perms. I remember when my ex told me that he would not approve of me chopping my hair off…welp good thing his opinion no longer mattered. Now my crown is beautiful just like ME.
Some other things that have helped me during my journey are working on self-love and my own happiness. I believe the two go hand in hand as it seems impossible to be confident but not love yourself. Last year I decided to take my self-love journey to another level and I attended Curvy, Curly, Conscious Miami and it was truly life-changing. I remember sitting in a room full of beautiful women of color who all seemed to not put themselves first because they were too busy living for others. Not anymore sis!
Here are some of the things I do to work on my self-love:
- I pray. (To talk to God about all the amazing things He is doing through me and to thank Him.)
- I meditate. (To stay present and manifest my dreams.)
- I do breathing exercises. (To stay grounded.)
- I sew. (To utilize my God-given talent.)
- I read. (To grow.)
- I exercise and eat healthier. (To take care of my vessel.)
- I travel. (To enjoy all that the world has to offer and make memories while doing it.)
- I take baths with bath bombs and rose petals. (To nurture my body and soul.)
- I go out and enjoy nature. (To relax and cast my cares.)
- I surround myself with amazing women. (To have friends who love me and who build me up on the days when I have doubt or lack my self-confidence.)
Basically, I am telling you to take that trip you keep thinking about, go out and have a good time to take a pause from life’s problems or say no to going out and get some rest. DO things that serve YOU because self-confidence is a side effect of self-love!
I want you to comment below one thing you are going to DO to build your self-confidence through self-love!